Perfectly Imperfect Parenting: Connection Not Perfection


by Dr Mary O’Kane


About the Book

Connection Not Perfection - Parenting Without the Guilt and Drama


Perfectly Imperfect Parenting is a practical and accessible guide which will help parents get into the right frame of mind for effective parenting without making them feel guilty or inadequate in their desire to be the best parent they can be. The argument is that parenting is not about perfection. Instead, it is about being there for your child and connecting with them.


With wisdom distilled from more than a decade of working with families, Dr Mary O’Kane, Lecturer in Psychology and Early Childhood Studies with the Open University, provides a framework for parents who want to raise children to thrive in the modern world.


Appropriately called, Perfectly Imperfect Parenting – Connection Not Perfection, this book is grounded in how neuroscience and evidence-based research supports the idea that our children’s brains need unconditional love to thrive. It explores how you can provide this intimacy and nurturing so you too can feel that sense of connection between parent and child.


A background of love and affection, underpinned with scientifically proven advice, is what we need to fully support our children. The key point is that children develop within relationships and strong connections will result in the blossoming of their social and emotional development. This book provides the knowledge and tools to support parents in one of the greatest challenges of life: how to support children to have confidence and courage; to show empathy and kindness; to believe in themselves and others; and become strong and capable adults.


Mary reminds us that the quest for perfection can turn into a quest for control. Instead, she outlines how we can ‘scaffold’ our children’s development, just as scaffolding is used on a building to support it during construction. The book covers various areas of social and emotional development, from secure attachments to building resilience, to developing friendships. It also looks at some of the most common parenting challenges we face today, from parenting with patience and supporting anxious children, to parenting in the online world.